"My heart is pounding like a drum. Yes, I know it pounds hard. I can hear it. I can feel the nervousness. I feel my hands and feet become numb. My hands sweats. I feel my parietal lobe in my brain grounds as if my head touch something electric. My legs shake having the feeling that this is the end of my world. This is unusual. It never happened before."
I'm scared... scared to be humiliated. I'm scared that they may shout at me, or they may say that I must take my NSTP 12 again. I think I'm not fully matured, huh? True. Hard to accept criticisms. I kind have the melancholic temperant. Help me! I think I need a therapy!
You see, last day, it's our evaluation in our Nstp project. A supplemental feeding program entitled, " B.A.T.A- Busog Ako sa Tamang Alaga" project. Oh, for crying out loud, we did our best! we really exerted our efforts. But yesterday, what happened is quite a shaky evaluation ( I often call it defense 'cooz I used to). For example, you practice and practice and practice for long time , then the moment of your performance has come. What happened is that the result doesn't seem to please the judges even if you almost die practicing. hehe. In our evaluation, effort is not being evaluated. Impact, uniqueness, sustainability of the project is the common questions panelists throw to the NSTP trainees. We've done all of these. I believe we've met our objectives. We have three objectives: 1. For the target beneficiaries to gain weight; 2. for them to practice proper hand washing, tooth brushing and nail trimming; and 3. for them to practice eating nutritious foods. Our target beneficiaries are 5-8 years old. What happened in our evaluation, I'm not quite sure. I felt dizzy that time due to nervousness. I thought I'm going to faint! Well, after the evaluation, they congratulated us. But it does not mean that we passed. It's not yet decided. most of the things we have done is a verbal agreement. Man! Though we can say our beneficiaries are satisfied, we don't have proofs.
I hope and pray that we survived this nstp 2.
You may think NSTP is easy- like you're just going to attend the class and just clean and that's it, think again bro. NSTP in UL surely is hard. But you know what, for me, I learned a lot.
I learned from my experience, from my mistakes. I learn to budget time, to become aware of the environment, to become sociable, responsible... I also learned to serve others. In fact, I am improved! but the thing that sticks to me since I was young, is my attitude of being pessimistic. You know the feeling of depressed, can't sleep at night thinking of your problem? the feeling that you thought it was a big problem like it's life and death your struggling with? The feeling of everyone around you thought you are pathetic and ridiculous because of youR doings? The feeling that you want to run away from your problems ? Oh man, I feel that 'till now. My own feelings are the problem, not that course. It's haunting me. Goodness!
I salute NSTP faculty members and staff. They're trully great. I think they're trying to make history. Oh palmera, they have already done it... I think.
NSTP... Please let me graduate. Please. Pretty please. I have to.
God, your will be done... Oh, let us be prepared from the result of our evaluation.
